Attack dog of the Week: Glenn Beck's Tears. Are they better than Al Gore's?

Since this is my first attack I wanted to do something special—the same level as a candle-light dinner right before you first sex but then you get into the mood and BAM you have to take a big shit so you tell her to wait. But you take too long and she leaves; leaving you with yourself on an expensive meal that took you hours to make so now you don’t have the courage to call her again because you are embarrassed. After that I cried a lot, and do you know who else cries a lot? Glenn Beck (sorry I didn’t give you guys any time to think about an answer). It’s not Glenn’s fault he is a lying sack of Irish potatoes, it just comes to him naturally like hate comes to me. Glenn has said a lot of bull shit in his time like “Obama is a racist and he whites people” and 75 seconds later he says “I’m not saying he hate white people” (sorry I couldn’t find the video but if someone found it please link it in the comments or send it to my Facebook).

Many do not know that Glenn used to work for CNN and he was pretty liberal and he didn’t throw a swastika every time something socialist happened in our country. I have seen Glenn use more swastikas then the entire Third Reich as a whole. And why are you helping out protestors now? Did you not say “protesting was treason” or am just too socialist because the person I wanted is apparently a tyrant. You know who were the tyrant, the British you dumb cock; they taxed the living shit out of colonies. Back then we had a legitimate reason to protest but now we are protesting because there is going to be a small rise in our taxes so we can help out the poorest of the poor. Anyway back to Glenn, I don’t like the way he does his show, he talks to you with weird passion and love, a lot like someone from NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association). He stares right at you with his piercing eyes, very creepy; he has single handedly gotten a bunch of angry rednecks together to fight against suppression of a socialist Kenyan president…? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the fact that he is a republican but the fact that he is an idiot, I enjoy Bill O’Reilly’s show The Factor it has a cool name unlike Glenn Beck’s… does he even have a name for his show? He doesn’t? Even I have a name for my thing and the only who read it are hippies who get a chance to get on the internet through library because they don’t want to leave a carbon foot print but hell they have iPhones. This is who I attacked of course it didn’t make sense so fuck you!

What if God was one of us

I have nothing against nor will I want to (this happened between me and Zeus, long story short lightning HURTS) all I want to do is understand him (I would like to say her, but if that were to be true, SHE wouldn't have messed it up this bad). To understand "the creator" (I refuse to use the word divine because that's how I describe babes) there are several books you could read about him, he has more biographies than any real person, it's crazy.

In Soviet Russia Jokes = EPIC WIN

Revolutionary Nudy Magazine!

Playboy circulation has dropped 60 percent in just four years.

What happened? The Internet happened. I’m sure most fans still renew their subscriptions to the infamous Playboy magazine, but, as the statement above shows, it isn’t enough.

Old man Hefner is planning to shock the market and take back their adult audience with 3D. You heard it right! Visually stunning women in the centerfold will be 3D and of course, naked. Hugh Hefner claimed that he commissioned a photographer in the 50s to take 3D photos of women, but felt that including glasses in each print would be costly. He won't have that problem this time around, for HBO Series True Blood is sponsoring the glasses for this June's issue of Playboy.


Get your copy this Friday, glasses included!

photo courtesy of anorak.co.uk

Hello Lost and "V" lovers, time for for your world to be turned up-side down

Puckin White Feople

Why hello thar? My name is Imanjit Bains and I'll be the new contributor to Cumskeets Thought Bubbles

K, moving on. I'm tired and I need sleep so I'll try to make this one quick. I was taking a shower and realized, white people have it easy. I know this first hand because I'm an Indian, like your boy Kulmeet. Wanna know why? Well, for every race you can say something racist to them that'll completely offend them. Don't believe me?

-Middle Eastern People: Anything related to bombs, allah, al-queda/the Taliban, planes or 9/11

-Far Eastern Indians (ME! WOOT!): All of the above, curry, being smelly/hairy, working for microsoft's tech support, ANYTHING TO DO WITH SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE FFFFUUUUU. Finally we get some recognition by winning movie of the year, and even then it's just another target to stereotype :(

-Russians/Germans: I put Russians and Germans together because anybody that tries to say something in a Russian/German accent is going to end up sounding like an angry Nazi. Example, "Mather RRRRRR(Kudos if you can roll your tongue)asha" "Viladehmeer Poothen", you get the point. Oh and them having a lot of guns too.

Asians (this one's gonna be good): Small Penis's, being too smart (I still debate if that's an insult), seeing things widescreen, impersonating them talking, example: "Sum ting wong" (moar kudos if you can sound like Mr. Miyagi), anything to do with rice, can't drive. Virginia Tech :O

Mexicans (even better!): Being illegal immigrants, being able to sound like a hardcore cholo/gringo ( 3 BJ's if you can sound like Daddy Yankee), mowing lawns, beans.

Black People (Oh dear god): Ima keep it real witchu, I ain't even gonna talk bout dem. Ima just show you dis picha


You can't say anything those damn white people though (Unless you're british, then you need to get off this computer immediately and go brush your teeth, all those damn crumpets get stuck in there). Cracker is the best we minorities got?

WE NEED TO CLOWN ON WHITE PEOPLE SOMEHOW D:

Religious PWN by Kulmeet Singh

Terrorists on Orkut

I am sure many of you have heard of the "Time Square Bomber", Fasial Shahzad, or as we will call him Fails Sh-at-bombing. He is such a moron. Do you guys know what his bomb was in his car? Two firecrackers and a propane tank. That's something The King of the Hill guy would do because he works at a propane and propane accessories store. Are Terrorists getting dumber? I mean c'mon, making a bomb isn't hard, especially in a car, whatever explosive you put in a car will make a giant explosion, but this guy apparently failed at that. And the worst part of this whole thing is he got caught without the bang. I'm not saying there should have been an explosion, but the fact his plans got foiled because he was acting suspicious. Dammit man you're middle eastern, you create suspicion by existing, so keep it cool. Speaking of cool, did you guys see his pictures? He looked like  a bigger tool than Bill O'Reilly.

---

Pending removal
-(afd)

LOL

Staff #2 Ariel Diangco

My empire is expanding and so I decided to hire another person, his name is Ariel and he's the sexiest thing since sex.

(I told you he was sexy!)
Hello Earth (I see you too, Mars). I owe this honor of speaking with you to none other than Kulmeet. You can start getting used to me, for I have opinions on any subject you can think of. I even have opinions on subjects you can’t think of. This is simply a gentle reminder that I am coming, and when I come: it’ll be messy. No pun intended.

-(afd)

Demotivationals

Ugliest guy ever, and he's a bloody Bollywood singer. I wag my finger to Bollywood

This guy is very hideous!

I saw this and lol out loud

More Facebook love

Arizona, I tip my turban to you and wag my finger to the rest of America

For once Arizona is right, we need to profile people, legally or illegally, I prefer legally, just because it makes things easier and I can be like “it's legal for me to be a racist”. People are freaking out, the bill is only targeting “suspiciously illegal” which isn't everyone: we're talking about checking out Hispanics, Asians, Native Americans, Blacks, Middle Easterners (why not?), Indians (the non-native kind, but they're all the same), and we can't forget the most specious, Pygmies. To protect the people of Arizona and the United States from drug cartels and human trafficking and Arizona has the highest kidnappings in the United States (here you go http://www.nationalterroralert.com/updates/2009/02/13/kidnapping-capital-of-the-usa-phoenix-arizona/) this source is from last year. Suspiciously illegal immigrants want to go to Arizona and kidnap little white girls for their amusement because it's what suspiciously illegal immigrants do. But if you're wondering who you show the paper work to, it's the police. A suspiciously illegal person has to show their papers to a police officer, but if you deny, then the police can bust you. But the great part of this bill is that if the police aren't doing a good enough job, you can sue them. This is a fine example of how to make the police force work harder.

Okay people let's stop BSing, this bill is probably the most racist Bill since, well Bill Joseph Simmons (he was a KKK leader). This bill is obvious racial profiling, and the worst part is, its bloody legal. What the f**k is up the US now? We are 10 years into the 21st century and we have such bullsh*t laws like this. You racist people call Obama Hitler, this is the most Hitler/Nazi thing I have ever seen. I haven't a seen a single Nazi movie where a Nazi didn't ask a Jew for his “paper verk”, that's like a World War II movie catch phrase. Another weird part of this bill besides the whole entire thing is the fact if I give someone a ride and I didn't know they were illegal, my car could get impounded so now people are racially profiling one another (MSNBC, on video at bottom 2:20). "The fact that they could have been documented"(the video), could have? Really? Now we are just throwing in random "could have"s, "We really don't know what he is, he could have been legal but we he could have not, we need to focus on the could have not". And next time you go to Arizona for the NRA convention, take "zee paper verk" with you.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Ignorance of some people, well most people

When I saw this, a tear rolled down my face

Collegehumor does it, and so will I

Facebook convos fail: Hitting on chicks

Kulmeet's Dictionary

Here are the phrases I use, and hopefully, you will understand what goes through my head.

1)lal=laugh awkwardly loudly
2)I was like AHHHHRRGGGHHH= my adjective to anything
3)I was like AHHHHRRGGGHHH= my reaction to anything
4)I was like AHHHHRRGGGHHH= my emotion to anything
5)No!=yes
6)Dude I can't= my parents said no
7)Naice= I use it as anything, (I.e. Dude that chick was so naice, I didn't know how to naice, then I was like whoa too much naice. Then I was like naice to that naice while I naiced)
8)Jesus= Mohamed

My complaint about Mr. Kulmeet Singh

My blog is starting to pick up heat, with heat comes trolls, and here is an example, of hate I receive.

"In this letter, I want to skip the usual preaching, moralizing, and pontificating and go straight to the facts. The full truth of my conclusion I shall develop in the course of this letter but the conclusion's general outline is that if Mr. Kulmeet Singh can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to introduce an important but underrepresented angle on Kulmeet's morbid publicity stunts. So who's crazy? I, or all the querulous publishers of hate literature who maintain that "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel? Before you answer, let me point out that he wants to be the one who determines what information we have access to. Yet Kulmeet is also a big proponent of a particularly crotchety form of allotheism. Do you see something wrong with that picture? What I see is that if he wants to complain, he should have an argument. He shouldn't just throw out the word "hematospectrophotometer", for example, and expect us to be scared.

When you reflect upon this, you'll realize that if I seem a bit filthy, it's only because I'm trying to communicate with Kulmeet on his own level. Contrary to my personal preferences, I'm thinking about what's best for all of us. My conclusion is that what's best for all of us is for me to fix our sights on eternity.

My wish to be polite notwithstanding, I must remark that I believe I have found my calling. My calling is to step up to the plate and answer the stubborn, sordid poseurs who besmirch the memory of some genuine historic figures. And just let him try and stop me. I do not appreciate being labeled. No one does. Nevertheless, Kulmeet does, occasionally, make a valid point. But when he says that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin, that's where the facts end and the ludicrousness begins. Now for some parting advice: Look at the facts. Analyze the arguments. Think about the motives of the people who are telling you that Mr. Kulmeet Singh is as innocent as a newborn lamb. And have confidence in yourself. Remember, there is a sort of crusade underway, an especially moonstruck, doctrinaire crusade consisting of systematic attacks by his voluble assistants and intent upon turning manipulators of the public mind loose against us good citizens."