Fat man eats like 40 pizza rolls while breathing heavily

What kids should have played with

immigrants

Now that senator Lindsey Graham "screwed the pooch" on a new climate bill, the next logical thing to worry about is immigrants (but isn't it always time to complain about foreigners?).

SHTF recently after Arizona passed a new law in an effort to fight against illegal immigration. It makes the police legally obligated ask people to see their papers if they have "reasonable suspicion" about somebody. Seeing as how basically 90 percent of Arizona is Hispanic (AKA Mexican amirite?), and that most immigrants to Arizona (legal, illegal, historic or otherwise) are Latinos, this new law will solve all of Arizona's immigration problems.

It's quite simple really; using a model developed internationally in the late 1930s, people have to show identification to prove they are not an illegal immigrant. Thanks to the law, illegal immigration is now a crime, making illegal immigration, well, illegal.

The law also allows citizens to sue the police, if they feel like they're not doing a good enough job - which is awesome by the way. I might move to Arizona just so i could do that. I mean, suing the government for violating your rights is one thing, but suing the government for doing nothing is all kinds of awesome.The best part is, when I win the trial, the police pay me with all of your tax dollars, isn't that great?

"President Obama on Wednesday dismissed Arizona's tough new anti-immigration law as a "shortcut'' that will merely inflame the immigration debate "instead of solving the problem.''"

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/wire/sc-dc-obama-midwest29-20100428,0,519624.story

This is just another example of why Obama can't do anything. Doesn't he understand what a shortcut is? Shortcuts make things faster; so the new Arizona problem lets the country fix illegal immigrants faster, AKA better. If we want to solve immigration, we just have to take a shortcut through Arizona.

Human Rights Groups (which is an contradiction, because they support taxes, which are illegal and violate human rights) argue that it encourages the police to discriminate, because Latinos are the most suspicious race. They forget that being suspicious is a good reason to be searched. The Arizona governor agrees, "Jan Brewer cast the law in terms of public safety, saying, "We cannot sacrifice our safety to the murderous greed of drug cartels.""

The Liberals on SNL criticize the new law as being like fascist Germany, but don't they realize that the police have to ask people for their papers in English? Also, the law only affects you if you're an illegal immigrant, legal immigrants and citizens don't have anything to worry about as long as they are not brown and carry their birth certificate social security card and drivers license at all times.

LA, also known as Los Angeles, Mexican capitol of the US, boycotted the law. They want to place economic sanctions on Arizona, until it reduces its stockpile of anti-immigration laws. This was shortly after UN officials discovered the laws, hidden deep in the Arizona legislature. The Arizona governor argues that the laws will only be used for "peaceful purposes", while radicals call for full deployment of the laws.

All in all, no one really cares. Everyone's too busy checking the tabloids to see what Tiger Wood's 853rd mistress has to say.

Politics Explained not by Kulmeet Singh

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Religious Nonsense of the day:

"Abortion shares many similarities to the ideas of Adolf Hitler. Hitler believed in the forced 'evolution' of humanity through the death of all those who were not Aryan, most notably including Jews. He viewed non-Aryans as inferior. A common reason for abortion is to kill those who suffer from physical and mental issues, a form of eugenics. This is akin to Hitler's murdering those he considered inferior."

Thank God for Conservaoedia!

My second attempt

Kid with mind control

Religious Nonsense of the day

I'm tired of religious ignorance, here are a few guys repeating stuff from a website called fstdt.net and don't worry they are joking

Stand-up

Hello readers, many of you know that I want to be a stand-up comedian, and to break my cherry, I went to an open mic night at giggles comedy club thanks to help of my friends Ikjot, Harjot, and my video recorder Anmol (don't hate on the video quality, he used his iPhone). Here it is, I hope you enjoy it:

MEMES part 2

Heres another set of my memes, i get bored very easily.

MEMES

Instead of words, I decided to use images to reach out to my dyslexic reads(not really, but you should enjoy it). And yes I created all these captions.

Death at a Funeral

Many of you have heard of a movie coming out with an all black crew called Death at a Funeral, but many of you don't know that the same exact movie came out 3 years ago... in Britain, it was the same movie but British, it had a British crew, but the midget was the same, I mean the same person played the midget in both films. Like have we come to the point where we don't have our own ideas. Our number one hit sitcom is a copy of a British one, the office was originally British,  and we have like all their reality shows but with the word America, America's got talent, Americas next top model, you get the idea. The real problem I have with America copying Britain is that there is a chain not many are familiar with, here it goes, Britain does something, then America copies it, then India copies it, and fucken Pakistan copies India, then Canada, and so forth until it ends back at Britain as a spin off. Why are we copying them, they suck, we are ten times better, 300 years ago we kicked their asses with nothing but farmers with pitch forks and a leader with wooden teeth, that's right, he didn't even have real teeth and they got their asses kicked. We are better than them in every way, we have Hollywood, more racism, and the fattest people on the planet, let's see britian top us on that, with their healthy school lunches. Have you guys seen their flag? An X and a plus sign, its like an incpmplete algebra problem, what were they making X+Y? Did they not finish, oh thats right they probably didn't get a chance after we kicked their asses. Our flag is the shit, our flag is so amazing we should have 2 sides, one side is the regular flag, and the other side is everything america has given to the world, we should have pics of McDonalds, guns, fat people, racism, Miley Cyrus, Porn, Authism, and the first mentally challenged president. No i'm talking about the one before this one because the current one is the anti-christ. That's right I went there, you wanna do something about it.

What pisses me off

One time I was hungover, I decided to go to the Safeway or something, and I got to the cereal aisle, and I noticed that THERE IS A WHOLE AISLE DEDICATED TO CEREAL! A fucken aisle, and I'm look at all my options and I'm going insane. Like do I take the Lucky Charms? No I'm not high, just hungover, or I could something with peanut butter, then I thought I don't wanna kill myself with artificial peanut butter. There are so many fucken options, like there isn't just one cereal for a flavor, like if you want marshmallows, you get to choose from 15 different cereals, if you want cinnamon, 15 more cereals. I couldn't handle, so I got to the next aisle. And guess what was on the other side? MORE FUCKEN SEREAL! But this time the cereals were diet, and it was the same time of cereals but this time with less calories. Same exact aisle but with less calories. This made me realize why everyone I know is fat, because there are so many options and we have to try them all, kinda like Pokemon, you gotta fucken catch 'em all. That's kinda Canadians aren't fat as we are, they only have 4 cereals and the cereal's there suck. That explains the accent, “Aye I'm Canadian”, if I had to eat Canadian cereal I would sound like a mentally challenged Sarah Palin, at least the mentally challenged Sarah Palin has a reason for not having a high school diploma. ZING! Don't get me wrong, Sarah Palin is great, she's a silver medalist in the Vice Presidential campaign. She is hot, I would totally hit that, like when I heard about her I was like “Wow McCain seems to have picked a smart person”, boy was I wrong, the more we got to know her the more I realized she's an idiot. And McCain loosing was obvious. But what pissed me off was that she didn't stop after she lost, like she went out there and gave speeches, mostly for tea-baggers. I still don't know what tea-baggers do except make frat boys giggle when they hear the name. When I see them I notice that they are a bunch of racist red-necks who don't Obama in office because he's a “socialist”, that's right, a “socialist”, that's just fancy for non-white. People can't even comprehend we had a black man running for president. When I heard a black man was running for president I was like “What ISN'T P-Diddy doing now-a-days?” But it turns out we have an intelligent person running, I was like this hasn't happened since our first retarded president, and I mean no offense to the mentally challenged community. You all know who I'm talk about so don't act naive. And the best part is, Obama isn't full black, he's black and white and I think that's awesome because if he fucks up, we can blame it on two races. I'm not saying he would, it's a possibility that he would.

Dr. Who?

For years now I have always been puzzled by one certain show. I mean most shows I have perfectly understood such as “Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman”, I can understand the fact that he's a freak and likes eating pig rectums from Africa with a half naked tribes-man. Or “Til Death”... let's just leave it at being the worst show on television. If you're one of those five people who don't know who Dr. Who is, he's like the British Superman, but way cooler (not really). Dr. Who first aired on November 23rd 1963, the era of silent films, according to where I get all my sources from-- Wikipedia. From November 23 1963 to December 6 1989, Dr. Who had 26 serials, which is a lot, I mean Tony the Tiger only has one. But seriously I mean shows, he had 26 shows, that's a lot, let's see Obama try to top that, which he will because he's the son of God. No one really knows how the idea of Dr. Who (from now I will refer to him as DW), it's as if he was created through the minds of every British person. He pretty much does nothing, and some how saves the day, and his last TV movie was in Mars. What the hell is a British fruitcake doing in outer space? The third to the last DW was a beast, looked hella badass, kinda like a shaved Steven Segal.  The sixth one looked like a gayer version of Will Ferrell. But the important fact is that no man has lived as long as DW on TV, I mean there was Batman, but joel Schumacher came along and ruined that for everyone. But the main thing is, that DW will survive longer than any of us, I mean come on, he's been to Mars and fought a water monster, a fricking water monster.

PS: You better watch the new season on BBC, check your listings.