My UW Honors Essay

If you have a sense of humor, you may appreciate the following:

This is one of my essays for admission to the honors program at UW. I had fun with it...

Prompt: How is the work of a poet similar to that of a scientist?: (<300 id=":11q" class="ii gt" style="font-family:verdana;">

In many ways, scientists and poets share a similar eloquence, a similar nature, perhaps in a philosophical sense. The fact remains and the same. Let us examine this hypothesis objectively. A poet’s primary responsibility is to mass-produce convoluted ideas of no relation to fact. Is a scientist’s any different? Standard deviation, accuracy, precision, figure of merit – no more convoluted and incomprehensible than iambic pentameter, couplets, or haiku, all of which comprise the arsenal of the archetypical “poet.” To the layperson or the impartial academic, the difference is nominal. Only the individual so entrenched in his deity, whether his scripture is Scientific American, or “The Road Not Taken,” would even notice such minutia. The zealots might point to Einstein or Shakespeare in defense of their faith, but would simultaneously fail to recognize that both stand out in the public mind for ultimately their exceptionally grandiose vocabulary. This fact manifests recent polling, 100 percent of respondents indicated concern in issues unrelated to science or poetry clearly, because "pot", "war", and "jobs" are all shorter words. Such remains true to such an extent that the message of poets and scientists often gets lost within itself, creating a disconnect between the remains of even the utmost patient of the public. When either party discovers a great truth, a brick wall of lexicon blunts its significance, putting the kibosh on a prospective thespian’s interest. Summed, or "coupled" together, it's clear that poets and scientists are all but one and the same, much like national brand of cola "a" and national brand of cola "b." They may wear different colors, but to anyone outside of his or her bubble, it’s patently obvious that both poets and scientists fall from the same tree.

PS: Follow me on Twitter @Hayk_CTO

2010 Movie F**k Fest Part 1

Since we have hit August and I think that the Summer movie season has ended (Thank God). Since pretty much every movie I have seen, I have hated I tell you what I rate it, and if it is worth watching.

First up is Grown-Ups, since this was the only reason why I waited for the summer movie season, I went to the first viewing at 8-o-clock, and I sat and the movie started I was like it seems good. Boy was i wrong, I would have rather have my mouth stapled shut than watch this horrified piece of shit. This movie had so much star power that it just sucked, please I hope none of these actors come in any other movies again. And the chocolate wasted part was the only funny part, but since it was in the trailer it wasn't that funny.
Rating: 2.5/10, this movie was so bad that if they just sat in a room and starred at each other it would have been funnier.

Next movie is Salt starring the big lipped and big titted failure of a movie star, Brad Pitt's wife. I refuse to acknowledge her name because only god knows how she got famous. Salt is like Bourne Identity if Matt Damon was going through his menstrual cycle the whole movie. One thing I liked about this movie was that it wasn't sexed up. What I mean is that she didn't need to go under cover as a stripper to get information. I'm sure a few months from now, no one will care for this.

Rating: 5/10

John Baynor's solution to government problems and everything

Spoiler: (highlight to see)

Blame federal bureaucrats

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What gives me gas

Here is the list of things that give me gas, I know it's not like my usual post and my response to that is for you to hit yourself with your keyboard until it starts to read like my other posts. Anywhoozle here is the list:

1) Non-Indian Tech-support(yes it does exist)
2) The movie Salt, starring Brad Pitt's wife who adopted the African refugee child
3) Glenn Beck (I'm not sure why but I think it has to do with the Bull Shit he calls news)
4) Rick Sanchez from Rick's List on CNN, if you understand why he gives me gas, you're not an idiot but for those who don't know, I will show you:

5) Kesha, you know what you did!
6) Hippies that promise you that the pot they are selling is good, so you decide to buy a lot and turns out it sucks and so your whole week is ruined because you spent $100 on it.
7) Rush Limbaugh... 'Nuff Said
8) Live action Disney Films (thanks for ruining my life Beverly Hills Chihuahua)
9) Truck Stop bathrooms
10) Straight Interior decorators (that job is a right to gay men and it should stay that way because they are the best at it)
11) Panda Express
12) Chai Latte
13) Kosher Hot dogs
14) Good movies such as the Dark Knight, Inception, Slumdog Millionaire
15) Illuminati

Since I was gone

I know I haven't posted anything since everyone gave a damn about the oil crisis in the gulf. The spill not the war. Turns out it took BP 90 days, thats's right 90 fucken days of oil being spilled into the ocean and this solution is not even permanent. Since I have been gone, other shit has been happening also for example Chicago's murder rate is at an all time high. That's fucken terrifying, since I'm going to Second City in Chicago. Also the fact the Mel Gibson, the person blaming the death of Jesus on Jewish people, got in a fight with his wife over the phone about him cheating on her. I guess the Catholic school he went to didn't teach him to be monogamous. This should be a surprise to all of us, Lindsey Lohan is going to jail. WOOPTY FUCKEN DO DA. I don't care, I will never care, and I don't want to meet the person that does care. The iPhone 4g came out, now there's another phone I can't get, thanks Sprint. And most importantly India came out with an item that is rivaling the iPad and it's $35, suck it apple.  

oil spill to numbers

the recent BP oil spill is still going on, if you didn't know, and you can see a live video feed of it here



Anyways, it's day 50 as of today, and the number of gallons leaked as of now is estimated to be about 36 million

BP is working to a 'solution' by trying to capture the oil leaking to the surface in an oil tanker, this combined with a containment dome should recover nearly 700 thousand gallons of oil per day. But that big number doesn't matter, because giant plumes of oil are now forming underwater in the gulf. In fact, scientists are having trouble getting any data from BP to find out just how much is actually leaking. One estimate puts the leak rate at 25 thousand barrels per day, that's about a million gallons. However, scientists like Ira Leifer, and the people responsible for measuring the rate, believe the latest "fix" has actually increased the rate of leakage.

We shouldn't wallow in sadness however, because there is in fact a bright side to all of this. All that precious oil leaking out of the ground is finally being collected, meaning it no longer has to remain homeless and forgotten on the shores of Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, and Florida. In fact, BP is collecting way more oil than it can actually process, and "drill baby, drill" has finally fulfilled it's prophetic message.

Also, according to the centrist can't-make-up-their-minds loons at the Atlantic, the oil spill is somehow killing the Tea Party. According to their site, the BP oil spill is taking all the airtime on TV that they used to have. It also does not help that the republicans can't agree on why Obama is wrong on this issue. Fox News and the important people in the part say that Obama isn't angry enough about the spill, and isn't doing enough, while the Tea Party poster child from Kentucky thinks Obama's being too hard on BP.

All in all, what seems to be on everybody's mind is the numbers, how much oil is leaking, how much is collected, how much is in the water, etc., etc...

What you need to keep in mind though is that most of these numbers are bullshit, scientists don't have a good source of data, estimates vary by thousands of barrels, and nobody has any idea what the hell is going on.

Penn and Teller take a good look at the bullshit that is the world of numbers:
1:

2:

3:



And that's the point, we don't really know how much oil is leaking or where it is or anything.



All we really know is that's a giant bunch of a lot of crap squared

Attack dog of the Week: Glenn Beck's Tears. Are they better than Al Gore's?

Since this is my first attack I wanted to do something special—the same level as a candle-light dinner right before you first sex but then you get into the mood and BAM you have to take a big shit so you tell her to wait. But you take too long and she leaves; leaving you with yourself on an expensive meal that took you hours to make so now you don’t have the courage to call her again because you are embarrassed. After that I cried a lot, and do you know who else cries a lot? Glenn Beck (sorry I didn’t give you guys any time to think about an answer). It’s not Glenn’s fault he is a lying sack of Irish potatoes, it just comes to him naturally like hate comes to me. Glenn has said a lot of bull shit in his time like “Obama is a racist and he whites people” and 75 seconds later he says “I’m not saying he hate white people” (sorry I couldn’t find the video but if someone found it please link it in the comments or send it to my Facebook).

Many do not know that Glenn used to work for CNN and he was pretty liberal and he didn’t throw a swastika every time something socialist happened in our country. I have seen Glenn use more swastikas then the entire Third Reich as a whole. And why are you helping out protestors now? Did you not say “protesting was treason” or am just too socialist because the person I wanted is apparently a tyrant. You know who were the tyrant, the British you dumb cock; they taxed the living shit out of colonies. Back then we had a legitimate reason to protest but now we are protesting because there is going to be a small rise in our taxes so we can help out the poorest of the poor. Anyway back to Glenn, I don’t like the way he does his show, he talks to you with weird passion and love, a lot like someone from NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association). He stares right at you with his piercing eyes, very creepy; he has single handedly gotten a bunch of angry rednecks together to fight against suppression of a socialist Kenyan president…? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the fact that he is a republican but the fact that he is an idiot, I enjoy Bill O’Reilly’s show The Factor it has a cool name unlike Glenn Beck’s… does he even have a name for his show? He doesn’t? Even I have a name for my thing and the only who read it are hippies who get a chance to get on the internet through library because they don’t want to leave a carbon foot print but hell they have iPhones. This is who I attacked of course it didn’t make sense so fuck you!